Something’s GOTTA Give!

Hi, my name is Hope. Nice to meet you.

I know, it has been a long time since I last posted – mostly because I became tired of all the losers that I had encountered during dating. Although, it provided great content for my blogs and funny stories for my girlfriends. To me, the continuous failure of my dates was quite depressing.

But, wait. This is NOT a comeback where I will be yelling from the mountain tops “I am Woman, Hear Me Roar!” I’m not going to act like it doesn’t bother me and that I don’t need want a man in my life. It’s actually the complete opposite. Truth is, I’m sad. I cry sometimes. I feel vulnerable. And, times like this really make me feel like, “What’s wrong with me?!”

You see, I still seem to meet losers ALL OF THE TIME. At first, I think that the guy is perfect, and then something happens. And, he turns into a loser, psycho, or just plain weird. It makes me take a look at myself and figure out if it is me. Am I doing something wrong? I’m pretty confident that I’m kind-hearted, I’m cute in my own way, and I really try to see the good in people. I have good morals, I treat people with respect, etc.

I keep telling myself that God has his own plans and God works on his time not mine. But, I really would love to meet the person I will be with sometime soon. I mean, at least get things rolling so I can have kids in the near future. One of my goals in life is to have a family of my own.

Maybe, my life plan is to be single, to not have kids and not have a family. Maybe, all this hype I’m giving myself won’t be worth it in the end. I hear so many stories of married women, who get divorced, and say marriage isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. But, I want to try it out for myself.

I must admit, I go through my ups and downs (That’s why it seems like I’m rambling right now). Sometimes I think I’ll be fine being single for the rest of my life. Other times, I just simply want what I want – a fairytale wedding, a huge rock for an engagement ring, and a happily-ever-after life a supportive spouse who I can call my best friend and a beautiful family. After all, I am getting up there in age – 31. I don’t want to be old raising my kids.

I guess I shouldn’t rush it, but geesh! Must I go through more losers to find Mister Right? I think I’ve gone through a dozen already. Something’s gotta give. Excuse me while I go cry me a river.

Ladies, chime in. I know I’m not the only one going through this.

One thing is for sure:

 

Empire State of Mind … Part III

Malik, the bouncer at the lounge, and I exchange more glances throughout the night across the room, as I stand amidst the crowd of my girlfriends.

Of course, he stands there “acting” like he was working, but I knew all along that he was still checking me out, instead of checking out the lounge’s dancers, drinkers, and party goers, as he should. After all, he is the bouncer. That’s cool, though; I can dig it.

After giving him a few additional episodes of subtle eye contact and flirty smiles, I shimmied my way back over to him and we made some more small talk. He says some charming phrases; I make girlish giggles. Then, he wants to show off his new iPhone 4S; he wants to take photos of us with it. That’s cool. We posed for the camera and he takes some photos. He’s going to send them to me later that night, he says.

It’s getting late now. I’m having so much fun that I don’t realize that it’s 4 a.m.

The club scene gets less crowded and velvet rope barriers are put up in our area so no more people can come in. I guess that’s our sign that it’s time to go. I go grab my jacket from the coat check and I wave good bye to my new friend. He comes over for a hug and says he’ll send me the photos of us later. I think I like this guy.

Content with the night’s festivities, I sit in the passenger seat of my friend’s ride to head home. Soon after, I get the images on my phone. I’m all smiles.

Now, fast-forward to Saturday night. I’m in Maryland visiting a friend, and I get a text. Its A.J. Remember him; the pushy guy from the lounge Friday night? UGH … I wasn’t sure how I wanted to address this dude, or even if I wanted to address him at all. Here goes the text exchange:

A.J.:     Hey, I had so much fun Friday night! I hope you did, too. I’m going to send a picture of myself to you.

(Umm, OK. A little weird that he’d want to send me a photograph of himself. Did he think that I might have forgotten what he looked like? I decide not to answer.)

He sends another text about 30 minutes later with his photograph. I wonder if he goes outside to take the picture to send to me. It’s an image of him standing in a driveway. Interesting, I say to myself. He’s still pretty sweet on the eyes, but this is all strange to me. I go back and forth in my head to figure out if I even want to respond. And, then I decide – to be nice – to acknowledge that I received his text messages. I keep it simple.

Me:     Thanks for the pic J

            (He responds right away.)

A.J.:     OK

Send me a picture of you.

(WHAT? No. This is getting a little strange. I decide not to answer and go to bed.)

It’s Sunday now. I had a full day, driving back home from Maryland – a long, grueling 5 ½ hours in traffic. Still, I’m content that I get home with time left to still relax and get myself together before having to go to bed and get up early to go to work the next day. My apartment is clean, I warm up some homemade vegetable minestrone soup and I sit on my living room couch to catch up on my shows. Bravo is my first channel choice: The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

My phone rings. It’s Malik.

I’m happy he called, and, initially, the conversation goes well, but then it turns sour. I tell him what city I live in and he goes, “Oh, all the women out there are snobby.” Isn’t that an insult? Sounds like it to me. I let it pass though and say that not all of “us” are snobby. But, he continues to argue and say that’s what the women are like out in my town. OK; I change the subject. But, throughout the entire conversation, if I say something, he argues and says “no, it’s this way” or “no, it’s that way”. I literally am not able to get one word out before he cuts in and talks over me to prove his point. How annoying!

Then, out of no where, Malik starts asking questions rapidly. Where’s your family from? How old you are? When was the last time you were in a relationship? Why did you break up? Geesh! Once I’m able to catch up, I start to answer his last question. As I start, “Well, it is a little complicated to explain,”…. He, interrupts, again, and says … “Get to the point.”

Immediately, I call him out and tell him how rude he is being. I explain that he has to let other people speak and that he’s not always right and needs to stop being so forceful. It was getting on my nerves and this is not how I envisioned spending my evening. At the end of my rant, I say, “Now, would you like to continue this conversation, or end it.” He decides to end it. I hung up and that was that!

I try to get back to my Zen meditation watching the housewives.

But, I’m convinced that some higher power doesn’t want me to rest, when I get a text message from A.J. … except, it’s not A.J., it’s his cousin (I think), who was also at the lounge Friday night. *Sigh* Here goes the text exchange:

A.J. (Actually his cousin):         Hey, what’s up, my boy said he’s going to be coming back to New York in two weeks.

Me:     OK, but who is this? Why isn’t he telling me this himself. Is this your cell phone. Does he have his own cell phone? I’m confused. LOL

A.J. (His cousin):          It’s his cousin. He said he’s going to call you later tonight.

Me:     It was really nice meeting you guys on Friday night, but I really am not interesting in dating anyone right now. I’m really busy with life and my career. (I’m lying through my teeth, but I know that these shenanigans are not going to work for me).

I don’t get a respond, so I make a heavy sigh of relief, thinking that he’d leave me alone.

But, I thought wrong.

A.J., or his cousin, proceeded to call me an hour later. I didn’t answer. He leaves me a message saying that he wanted to talk to me and that he’d call back in five minutes. (Huh?) I ignore.

THEN, he calls me four times within 30 minutes. Is this dude crazy?! In between the missed calls, he sends me text messages saying that he’s been calling me and wants to talk to me. An hour later, he calls again, and, of course, I don’t answer. He doesn’t call again, so I’m praying he gets the hint. Right away, I add him to my “blocked calls” list.

What is wrong with people? I swear I meet all the crazies!

I turn my iPod on and tune in to Jay-Z and Alicia Key’s Empire State of Mind beats to calm my nerves before I go to bed. New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of…

An Empire State of Mind … (Part II)

I continued to enjoy my evening Friday night, feeling on top of the world with an “empire state of mind.” I was celebrating with some of my best friends and really enjoying the vibe at the Empire Hotel rooftop lounge in Manhattan. The sickness that I felt at the beginning of the night vanished and before I knew it, I proceeded to do the “running man” and was singing along to the popular lyrics of the “Party Rock Anthem” song and Rihanna’s new jam, “We Found Love”. I was enjoying myself to the fullest, letting my hair down and just living in the moment. Then, A.J. came from behind to dance with me.

We continued to spark conversation, he explained how he was really into me, which I thought was nice, but it seemed as thought he was a bit too pushy. You see, he told me he lived in Boston. I told him that might be a little difficult if he was interested in dating me. I wasn’t sure if it was pursuing a long-distance situation with someone I didn’t even know was worth it at this point in my life, besides I wasn’t thinking about that. Tonight, I just wanted to hang out with my friends and have fun! Well, because I wasn’t giving him any solid feedback regarding whether I’d like to see him again, he totally changed his mood. His facial expression changed and he seemed a bit angry. He asked that if he came back to New York if I’d be interested in meeting up with him, and sadly (for him, I guess), I couldn’t give him a straight answer. “I don’t know,” I said.

Side note: I mean, c’mon, why do I have to give a straight answer and why is he being all serious? I came out to have fun, not to be given ultimatums. I told him about himself and then proceeded to tell his friends that he needed to cool out. Annoyed by the conversation, I moved away from him and his friends and went back over to my girls to party the night away.

Meanwhile, I noticed from my peripheral vision that Malik was checking me out again. My friend was talking to him, so I decided to join in on the conversation. She was, apparently, talking to him about me and why I’m an awesome chick. Once I walked over, she left us alone. We made small talk for a little while before I was armed away by my friends. As, I made my way back to my party group, I noticed A.J. standing in the area motioning for me to come to him. I oblige and he proceeds to tell me he’s leaving. Keeping my friendly composure, yet thinking in my head “I hope he doesn’t call me, even if he’s hot, because he’s got issues,” I give him a hug and said it was nice meeting him and his friends.

Minutes later, Malik tells me he noticed that I’m interested in short boys (referring to A.J.). Oh please, do I sense jealousy?

To be continued …See “Empire State of Mind Part III”.