No Male Bashing Here! … OK; Maybe Just a Little Bit.

Before I start, it is really NOT my intention to male bash here, but I really DON’T get it. Now, I see why women have such a difficult time in their relationships with men. Am I wounded? Have I gone through too many bad experiences that have, in effect, made me judgmental towards men? I don’t know, but maybe you all can help me out here.

That book everyone talks about, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, comes to mind as I write this blog entry. I will spare you the grueling details on why this subject matter has reached the surface of my brain, but I have had many  conversations (a couple conversations most recently) with men where they have NO CLUE or understanding of what I’m speaking. I do have a college education, but I try to talk in laymen terms on a regular basis. But, from the reaction of men lately, you’d think I was talking about some complicated medical formula because what I say seems to go way over their heads.

I will give you an example:

There is this guy that I’ve known for five years. That’s right, five years of friendship. And, about a month ago, we discussed going on a wine tasting trip together. It seemed fine to me. We found a weekend trip that looked like fun a couple of hours away, but it would have required us to stay together overnight, which we have never done. So, I, the level-headed and moral-based woman that I think I am, asked him if he had a girlfriend, because I would OF COURSE, not consider doing a weekend getaway trip with a guy who has a girlfriend. I just think that’s disrespectful.

Long story short. Yes, he had a girlfriend (which boggles my mind that he never told me, since we are friends), and he still saw nothing wrong with going on the weekend getaway. And, get this, he had no intention of telling her he was going with me. He was just going to tell her he was hanging out with a friend for the weekend. Pretty generic. Now, mind you, he has never made a move on me, and perhaps it was never his intention to make a move on me that weekend. But, I still thought this was wrong! And he, he didn’t get what my issue was. This was wrong on so many levels to me. Sketchy!

So, now fast forward, because of this incident, he told me most recently that he would cancel out someone “like me” as a girlfriend because I would probably have a problem with him hanging out with his friends, since most of them are female.

Huhhhh? Ummm, is he stupid? Is there some type of chemical imbalance that made him take what I said to him, have it thrown way over his head for him to miss catching it and it drowns in the ocean behind him? Who in their right mind…

Now, mind you, I’d like to think I’m a pretty friendly person, open-minded, and genuinely sincere. And, I’m not trying to put myself on a pedestal, but I believe most men are a little slow, have a drop of dumbness (or lack of trying to understand things) and have communication problems. Not all men, just most (lol. Sorry, guys). We all know that women mature faster then men (it’s a proven fact!).

I can’t be the only one that feels this way. Ladies, when you speak to men, whether it is a spouse or a friend, do you notice that oftentimes they misinterpret what you are trying to say? Do you notice a look of confusion on their faces? Do you notice when you ask them a question, they answer it, but it has NOTHING to do with what you are trying to convey? Men, do you feel that it’s us, the women, who have problems communicating or understanding reality?

I really need to get the bottom of this before I start thinking all men are the same.

It frustrates the hell out of me! So, much that I put the following post on my Facebook status this morning:

WANTED: Mature men between ages 30-35 who are not STUPID!
Currently taking applications. Please inquire within.
Apparently, it’s a rare species.

I apologize to the men reading my blog post if you feel offended. But, please (and, I know this is a pretty general statement) let me know your thoughts on how you believe women and men relate to one another because I damn well don’t get it!

Stay blessed.

~ H. Amber

More Wine, Please.

I have never been a true connoisseur of wines. But, do I like to drink the relax-stimulating beverages – all while acting like I know what I’m doing while I’m downing it like a tequila shot sipping it? Y.E.S.

I had the fabulous opportunity to wet my taste buds with various wines of the North Fork Wine Trail when I recently attended this year’s Long Island Culture & Wine Winterfest. It was only for a two-day trip, but it was a great escape from the busy city life of Westchester County, New York. We were in the country, ya’ll! At least it seemed like it.

I had never gone so far out in Long Island where farmland was all you saw for miles; the cattle and sheep were so cute to see as we drove down the main highway of Route 48 with the windows down and the wind blowing through our hair. It was relaxing and calm, plus the weather was spectacular in the high 60′s. Just what we needed.

On our first day, we attended two vineyards where jazz musical artists were set up to share their tunes to crowds of wine lovers.

First stop – Laurel Lake Vineyards!

We drove up the gravel-filled driveway and parked our car right next to the vineyard fields; it was simply beautiful as the sun was beaming that Saturday afternoon. I secretly wanted to kick off my shoes and run in the vineyard fields with no worries in the world … but that would have been embarrassing for my friend. *Sigh* So, I kept myself together and walked casually into the vineyard house.

As we walked in, we were greeted with a glass of wine of our choice and invited to find a seat in the covered patio with other attendees, we sat back and enjoyed the tunes. We were treated with the funky musical performance of Monday Michiru. Check out the video below for one of the songs they shared with us! Great music.

An hour later, we left to attend another performance nearby at Raphael’s.

This vineyard entrance had a lovely Italy-inspired fountain in the driveway. Inside, the vineyard house was beautifully adorned with wooden columns and lovely chandeliers. A glass of wine and an invite past the large bar area later, we sat for another lovely performance of jazz. This time, it was the Shenole Latimer Quartet who gave us a more diverse presentation of jazz. Just lovely.

We dined that evening at the Indigo Hotel East End restaurant, where we were to stay that night, for their Live at the Indigo instrumental jazz performance. The music was lovely as we ate dinner, and the food was divine. Unfortunately, the service was horrible. But, we drank more wine and that seemed to make everything better.

The next morning, we woke up bright and early, had breakfast and visited several vineyards for wine tastings before heading home. There are what seems to be a never-ending amount of wine vineyards out there, so we surely didn’t have enough time to visit all of them. But, below is a list of the ones we were able to go to.

• Shinn Estate Vineyards
• Martha Clara Vineyards
• Vineyard 48 Try the Peach Wine NOFO! And, come after 12:30 when the DJ spins
• Waters Crest Winery
• Anthony Nappa Wines: The Winemaker Studio This is a great place to taste independent wine makers’ creations and Chris gave us a great informational briefing on wines in the area! All of the wines were amazing, but my favorites were Anomaly and Shiraz!
• Mattebella Vineyards

During the weekend getaway, I learned that the proper tasting of wine included, in this order: a little swoosh of the liquids in the glass, a slight sniff of the wine’s aroma, a gentle sip of wine and gurgling letting the remnants of the wine stay in the mouth before ingesting (to detect if it was a full body wine and to experience the layers of flavors). Oh yea, and then SPIT in the bucket, so that your next wine taste isn’t ruined. Clearly, I need to work on my spit shots. That was a bit messy for me. Ha!

If you have been to the Long Island vineyards or, specifically, the annual Long Island Culture & Wine Winterfest. Please share your stories!

Stay blessed.

~ H. Amber

Thank GOD for Zumba!

It is my lunch hour.

I just stuffed my face with a DELICIOUS deli sandwich, loaded with greasy provolone cheese and soaked with a rich balsamic syrup on a white-flour enriched roll. (Insert *sigh* here) I tried to appease myself by getting grilled chicken instead of the original fried chicken cutlet and added veggies like roasted red peppers and broccoli rabe. But, I guess the fact that I’m now eating peanut M&Ms within a matter of seconds cancels out the healthy part of my meal, huh?

Healthy eating. It’s a daily struggle. I’m such a foodie.

As I sit here – feeling like my pant belt is going to pop and fly across my office cubicle and hit my poor colleague in the head – I think about the Zumba class I’m going to tonight at my local gym. Thank GOD for Zumba.

If you haven’t heard of it, which I’m sure you have because it’s practically pushed in our face in the form of infomercials 24-7, Zumba is a somewhat new, trendy way to exercise. Instead of taking that boring jog on the treadmill and staring into space, I get to watch a very energetic instructor show me how to move my hips side to side and jerk my body in a way that makes me look like I’m humping the air around me.

Sounds like fun, right? Well, it is.

This new exercising technique has made me find the fun in exercise. Before I know it, an hour has passed and the entire time I was having fun simply dancing, I’ve worked off 300+ calories. And, I get to channel my inner Shakira with salsa and Janet Jackson with hip hop all at the same time! It’s a win-win!

If you haven’t tried it, I encourage you to do so, even if just for the fun of it. Last summer, I started a weight-loss journey that helped me lose 30 lbs. But, in the last few months (post-holiday), I’ve been challenged with getting back into the healthy eating zone. Zumba has been helping me balance things off so that I don’t gain the weight back. Thank GOD. Otherwise, I would be back where I started in August 2011.

As I sit here thinking about the high-calorie lunch I just stuffed in my face, I find solace in knowing that I will work it off (or at least, work some of it off) later tonight with some gym buddies that I’ve made. And, for all of you who think you’re uncoordinated selves can’t join a Zumba class or any type of aerobics class because you don’t think you’ll be able to get the moves right, GET OVER IT. We are ALL uncoordinated. I have had my share of mistakenly slapping people in the face by making the wrong step to the left or tripping over my own feet while hardly moving. It happens to the best of us!

I find that the best way to keep on track with anything in life is by encouraging one another. So, let’s get on the bandwagon together and vow to invest in our health!

If you take Zumba classes, tell me about your experience. Happy exercising!

Stay blessed.

~ H. Amber

You are Beautiful, No Matter What They Say.

When we look at ourselves through the reflection of a full-length mirror, most of us have one of two immediate reactions: “Damn! I look good!” or “W-T-F!” The latter reaction comes with either a blank stare or worse, an unchanged look of shock.

Let’s face it, there are characteristics that we love about ourselves, and then there are things that we simply despise. Women are probably the most critical of themselves, mostly, in my opinion, due to what society has forced us to believe about what is supposed to make us beautiful.

Just this past Sunday, when I picked up my little sister and mother to go to church, my sister says to me in her oh-so-sweet, yet sad voice, “Hopie (side note: that’s my nickname), I wish I had your legs. At least they are proportionate to your body.”

Huh?

My immediate reaction was, “Whaaaaat are you talking about?!” How I would love to have her curvaceous body with her strong, bold thighs and legs. People envy over her bootilicious demeanor (FYI for all who currently have that look of confusion on your face: The Urban Dictionary defines bootilicious as “a budunkaa-dunk-dunk; humps; lady lumps; something that is off the hook, the chain fa shizzle; break-me-off a piece body).

The problem with that is most of us (I’m not talking to those who think they are God’s gift to Earth and have no flaws; this blog post is not for you): we don’t look at ourselves and see our 100% beauty. We’d rather be skinnier, or more curvaceous. We’d rather be tall like models, or short to blend in with people. Some people would rather have a lighter skin complexion, while others constantly stand in the sun because they want a darker complexion.

We want our hair straight – not kinky.

Hair. That is what I’ve been focusing on lately. For years, I’ve worn my hair straight. Stretching my fragile hairs with blow dryers, flat irons and TONS of hair products that weigh my hair down to achieve that silky smooth look. And, I’ve always been told, “Oh, you hair is so beautiful!” Of course, I loved the attention. But, now, as I’ve taken a step back at life to see what makes me happy and what makes me ME, I’ve decided, it’s time for a change. I’m going natural.

Many African American, and other races, suffer from Seborrheic Dermatitis, a skin condition that can leave one’s scalp extremely dry. I have had this condition for about a year and, lately, my frequent routine of getting a straightening relaxer has gotten the best of me. I’ve just had enough of the chemicals from the relaxer burning my skin. SO, I’ve decided to try to go natural, meaning no more relaxers and minimal direct heat on my hair!

It’s a brave move, I know. Relaxers require low-maintenance for my hair and now I will have to work a little more with my natural curls and kinks to find styles that work well for me. As I’ve started this journey of transitioning from relaxed hair to natural hair, it’s really showing me how to love myself for who I am. I have received mixed reactions to a twist-out hair style that I’ve been rocking this week to see how it would look once more of my natural hair fully grows in – some like it, some don’t. Oh well, who cares!

They say a woman’s hair is her beauty. But, this is how God made me, so why not work with what I got?! Who’s to say my natural kinks are not beautiful?

Everything about us makes us beautiful in our own unique way. Don’t let anyone tell you different.

This is my life. Stay blessed.

~ H. Amber

Am I Experiencing a Quarter-Life Crisis?

I’m done with men.

This is what I’ve been telling myself for the past few weeks, as I’ve gone in and out of small spurts of depression.

Don’t get it twisted; the depression does not originate from my not-so-great outcomes of dating lately, the depression has come from various angles of my life that I feel needs improvement. And, the dating part of it has just added on to the pile.

I’ve been feeling like I’m on the brink of a slight nervous break down lately (quarter-life crisis?). I’ve had these expectations in life,  check points I should have passed by now, I feel. And, I find myself asking questions like: What am I doing with my life? What do I have to be proud of looking back at my life thus far? What does my future hold? Who am I? (BTW: Don’t people usually “find themselves” during their college years? I guess I’m a little late)

I’m almost 32 years old and here are just SOME of my problems:

• My career? Nothing to rave over. Right out of college, I had a passion for my journalism career and climbed up the ladder of success by making my way through various print newspapers as a well-known reporter and photographer. Now, I work in public relations and instead of writing, I’m doing customer service  -__- womp, womp.

• My family? They are great. My grandmother, mother and sister are great support systems for me and are great role models. BUT, I am constantly reminded that I’m unmarried and childless. Deep inside, I wish I was at the point where I was AT LEAST engaged and thinking about when I’d like to have kids. Girls have that dream of a fairy-tale wedding and a “happily every after” – I’m one of them.
• I’m supposed to be writing a book and cannot seem to find the inspiration to get back into it. And, my freelance writing career? Well, let’s just say it’s been quiet. I’m losing my desire to be a professional for myself. Ugh! What is wrong with me? I feel drained and lifeless.
• Dating? Well, it sucks. It seems that all men are alike. All men want more than one woman that they’d like to juggle and can’t seem to find the strength to be monogamous. I’m over it.

*Disclaimer: I know that I am blessed. I could be poor and out on the street. I could have no family, no friends, no job, no money, etc. But, let’s face it, we all feel sorry for ourselves sometimes.

I know you ladies out there have been in situations like this. I’m sure it’s a phase, but dang! Can it be over already?! I’m really sick of writing “woe is me” blog posts. Time for a change. Let’s chat about something else.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve really taken the time to try to understand who I am and what I want out of life. I’m still figuring it out, but I’m getting closer to finding a solution to my problems. For one, I’m going to stop centering my life around dating.  The right guy will come in time. God has his own plan for me. As for my career, eh, can’t do much about that besides working my hardest so that my colleagues can see my editorial talent, and keeping my eyes open for other possible employment opportunities.

This blog will be an outlet for me as I meditate day in and day out about who I am and what I want in life. There will be less talk about dating (don’t worry, it won’t all go away) and more discussions about other things that interest me. Oh, don’t you worry my loyal single ladies interested in my dating scene! I will still indulge you with my dating scandals. In fact, I’ll leave a little something for you before I go.

Check out this picture. All you need to know is: 1) REALLY hot waiter during dinner out with a friend last night, 2) sparked a great conversation with him, 3) made great eye contact several times throughout the night, 4) after some giggles with my friend and a little courage, I left my number (Why not? Life is about taking chances. I’m done with men anyway, so who cares …Yeah right. Ha! That won’t last long, I’m sure).

He can call me … or not call me. The school-girl giggles I shared with my friend was enough! This post is dedicated to Megan

This is my life. Stay blessed.

~H. Amber

Something’s GOTTA Give!

Hi, my name is Hope. Nice to meet you.

I know, it has been a long time since I last posted – mostly because I became tired of all the losers that I had encountered during dating. Although, it provided great content for my blogs and funny stories for my girlfriends. To me, the continuous failure of my dates was quite depressing.

But, wait. This is NOT a comeback where I will be yelling from the mountain tops “I am Woman, Hear Me Roar!” I’m not going to act like it doesn’t bother me and that I don’t need want a man in my life. It’s actually the complete opposite. Truth is, I’m sad. I cry sometimes. I feel vulnerable. And, times like this really make me feel like, “What’s wrong with me?!”

You see, I still seem to meet losers ALL OF THE TIME. At first, I think that the guy is perfect, and then something happens. And, he turns into a loser, psycho, or just plain weird. It makes me take a look at myself and figure out if it is me. Am I doing something wrong? I’m pretty confident that I’m kind-hearted, I’m cute in my own way, and I really try to see the good in people. I have good morals, I treat people with respect, etc.

I keep telling myself that God has his own plans and God works on his time not mine. But, I really would love to meet the person I will be with sometime soon. I mean, at least get things rolling so I can have kids in the near future. One of my goals in life is to have a family of my own.

Maybe, my life plan is to be single, to not have kids and not have a family. Maybe, all this hype I’m giving myself won’t be worth it in the end. I hear so many stories of married women, who get divorced, and say marriage isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. But, I want to try it out for myself.

I must admit, I go through my ups and downs (That’s why it seems like I’m rambling right now). Sometimes I think I’ll be fine being single for the rest of my life. Other times, I just simply want what I want – a fairytale wedding, a huge rock for an engagement ring, and a happily-ever-after life a supportive spouse who I can call my best friend and a beautiful family. After all, I am getting up there in age – 31. I don’t want to be old raising my kids.

I guess I shouldn’t rush it, but geesh! Must I go through more losers to find Mister Right? I think I’ve gone through a dozen already. Something’s gotta give. Excuse me while I go cry me a river.

Ladies, chime in. I know I’m not the only one going through this.

One thing is for sure: