Ladies Night: Love, Emotion, Empowerment

Sing along with me…

Oh this is ladies night, and the feeling’s right, oh this is ladies night oh what a night … ohhhh what a night.

I love this  song, not only because it brings me back to my high school days of vibin’ to Da Brat, Left Eye from TLC and even a little Lil’ Kim, but because it really empowers women to love themselves and put themselves first. I’ve said this before in previous blog posts, but let me just say it just one mooooore time: Women, it’s SO important to have Ladies Nights. It’s therapy!

I had the chance to have two Ladies Nights in one week and I had such a good time!

Sometimes you need to just step away from what’s going on in your life, put aside your issues for the time-being, and just enjoy yourself with your lady friends. I’m talking about women who you don’t have to impress, women who you can let your hair down with, and just women you can just laugh and have fun with for an evening (or any other time of day).

Not to say there is anything wrong with our men, but sometimes, ya’ll just plain get on our nerves! Let’s just be real.

For Ladies Night No. 1, I met with three of my close “sista-friends,” who I’ve known for some 10 years now. We got a little dolled up and treated ourselves to a nice Italian dinner at a fancy restaurant in the neighborhood. The place had a nice romantic vibe (dimmed lights and  mellow music) and the service was lovely – just what we needed.

Hint: Ladies, you don’t always have to go on a date to enjoy a nice dinner out.

We ate, we drank, we laughed, and we talked about life.  That night was much needed. As you all know, an old romance is currently being rekindled in my life, and it can be a little consuming at times, so a night out with my girls was perfect.

For Ladies Night No. 2, I joined my mother, and three of my girlfriends to see the movie For Colored Girls, movie maker Tyler Perry’s latest film. Aside from the film being excellent, it was nice to see this film with such amazing women in my life. We all could relate to the film. Through the movie, which is based off of the renowned play of the late ’70s “For Colored Girls…Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf,” Perry  gives us insight on what it’s like to live as a “colored” (African-American) woman.

The film had emotion, drama, and humor, and depicted various situations that many black females (and in my opinion, females of all races) have encountered. The film’s characters were played by talented actresses including Phylicia Rashad, Janet Jackson, Loretta Devine, Whoopi Goldberg and others. Overall, without giving the entire movie away, it was very moving and really made me feel proud of being a black woman … and it made me feel proud of all women, including the women sitting beside me in the theater that night.

Talking about being proud of women, the feeling of empowerment continued as I watched BET’s Black Girls Rock award show. First of all, kudos to BET for such a great show, teaching young girls that that they are great and can achieve whatever it is that they dream. Secondly, I was especially moved by one song performed by R&B singers Kelly Price, Marsha Ambrosius, Jill Scott and Ledisi; all very strong, talented women. They sang “Four Women,” a Nina Simone original. Check out the performance…it’s moving.

So you see, my week and weekend was filled with love, emotion and empowerment. We need these ladies nights and these experiences to remind us how great we are and how we never should rely on men, or other people for that matter, for our happiness.

If you haven’t had a Ladies Night in a while, I encourage you to schedule one right now. You’ll thank me later

Me + Him = Moving at a Snail’s Pace

Is it me, or does it seem like this venture with my friend is taking FOREVER?!

It was a difficult decision, but when I finally made up my mind about a month ago that I’d like to pursue a possible relationship with a close friend of mine, I got super-duper excited. I was so enthused in finding out what could be and I started imagining how cool it would be for us (who used to date several years ago) to get back together. Our friends would love it and it would truly be one of those weird, fairy-tale stories that you only see on movie screens.

Although I told myself that I wanted it to go slow because I wanted to make sure our friendship wouldn’t suffer, I am finding myself getting all caught up in the idea and now am wondering why things are moving so slow (well, in my mind it’s slow).

Point of the matter is, it’s his fault.

He keeps telling me all the things I want to hear: I’m beautiful, he’s always had feelings for me, I have a great personality, he can’t wait to see me and hang out with me, he’s looking forward to us having more one-on-one time. BUT, we’ve yet to spend quality time with each other.

I saw him for a little while over the weekend, but a family emergency stopped us from really spending that time with one another. And, now, I’m ready to mark in my planner for Date No. 2, but he’s moving slow. He hasn’t suggested anything and I don’t want to keep asking and seem like a crazy, psycho stalker.

Now, he does live a couple of hours away, and he does have a pretty important (and busy) job, and is working on his Master’s degree, so I’m sure that contributes to him not having a lot of time… I guess. But, I’m also hoping he’s not the kind of person that says one thing but acts another way (Ladies, you know those kind of guys I’m talking about). As friends, he’s never seemed that way, but now that we’re pursuing a “more than friends” relationship, could he be changing?

A guy friend of mine tells me to calm down and to stop analyzing things like “most women do.” But, what do you ladies think? Shouldn’t he be making a strong effort to pursue me, to impress me, to show me he’s interested? I mean he calls me everyday, but I’m not talking about words, I’m talking about actions.

A Hot Mess!

As I sit here thinking about this new journey I’m taking with my friend and the thought of having a relationship with him, I’m wondering if I’m thinking too much into it. Although hesitant about this entire situation at first, our potential for a promising relationship together, his sudden expression of feelings toward me, and the ever-consistent reminder of memories we’ve shared is making this entire process thrilling and to be honest, it is consuming my mind.

But, then I find that I worry about everything! I mean, if this is something that might work, I want to make it work – especially with him. The more we talk and I learn again about his morals and his overall personality and perception about life, I’m thinking, this guy is really a catch. So, I suddenly feel like I should be perfect …

Perfect with my conversation with him, perfect in my attitude, perfect with my thoughts about him. I mean, it sounds kind of silly, but it feels like I’m on a job interview – and, it’s exhausting! I guess my real issue is that I don’t want to repeat my mistakes from past relationships and really make this one work. a) I’m starting to think about him more often and I find myself wanting to talk to him all of the time, but I don’t want to turn out to be a stalker. b) Internally, I’m ready to schedule a time to go see him, but I don’t want to be too forward since we’re trying to take it slow. And, quite frankly, shouldn’t I let him chase me? c) The anticipation of what this could be is killing me! My mind is telling me to hurry this thing up: let’s be “boyfriend/girlfriend,” let’s move in together, let’s get married. Let me have your babies …. please…pretty, please?

*Sigh. What’s wrong with me? I get these sudden spurts of excitement, and then when I’m calm and thinking clearly, I remind myself that I’m supposed to be taking this thing slow and not rushing into anything. I’m a hot mess. Help! Someone call the Fire Department and have them hose me down before I explode!

…. Those are my thoughts for today. You can all go back to your regular programming, now.

Nice and Slow

Following up on my last blog entry, I thought I’d give you all a little update on how things are going with my “friend” and I. First, thank you to those who left comments on my prior post. They were beautifully written and you both made very valid points.

After much thought, I decided to give it a chance. We are going to “see what develops.” But, yes, we will be going niiiiiiice and slooooooow.

Currently, we are simply talking on the phone more (pretty much everyday or every other day) to get more familiar with each other. Sure there is flirting thrown in there, but I want to make sure we don’t ruin the friendship we already have built.

I have yet to have a more serious conversation with him about how exactly we’re going to take this, but I plan on letting him know that we both have to come from the same frame of mind, such as:

• If we see things going sour in the relationship, let’s stop it before it gets worse, so we don’t hate each other to the point where we don’t want to talk to each other ever again. Maintaining our friendship is No. 1.
• Let’s not make this a “hook up” just for our curiosity. If we are really going to see what develops, let’s take it serious. Let’s see if we are relationship material.
• We should be open-minded. I’m sure we’ve both changed a lot over the years that we’ve known each other. So, as we become more familiar with our lives, let’s keep our minds open and communicate and be honest with one another.

Have I missed anything? In the meantime, tell me; have you ever wanted to date your friend?

What’s Wrong With Being S-I-N-G-L-E?

I came across this CNN article and found it very interesting. There are some stats here that popped out:

• 96 million people in the United States have no spouse
• 61 percent of the 96 million have never said “I do”
• Some 46 percent of all households nationwide are maintained by a single person. This equals 52 million singles.

Read more here: http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/08/19/single.in.america/index.html?hpt=C1. What does this say about our society. Do you think these numbers will increase? Is there anything wrong with being single? Please share your thoughts.

My name isn’t Stella, but I feel you girl!

Recently, a day in the life of “me” has consisted of tons of social activities. This is not normal people.

On most days, I’m home, wondering what to do – should I turn to the good ole Lifetime station to see if there are any more suspense-filled movies where the wife, girlfriend, or mistress finds an interesting way to murder the male love interest? Maybe, I’ll try a new recipe – and throw the concoction out later because the look of it makes me want to vomit. Better yet, perhaps I will clean my apartment for the umpteenth time. Most times I just end up sitting on my couch in the living room of my one-bedroom apartment, turn on my Pandora box on the cell and just stare into space. I must say – I do enjoy doing that quite often; it’s one of my most frequent pastimes – NOT.

But, I digress; back to my original statement.

For the past few weeks I’ve been to concerts, traveled, been more outgoing about making new friends, been out clubbin’, and the list goes on and on = I’ve been enjoying life. This all started as my 30th birthday approached. It’s like I had an Aha moment about life and what I want to do with it. I must do everything I want to do – NOW!

In the midst of my Aha mania, I stumbled upon … hmm, let’s call him “Akeem” (think about the movie Coming to America, folks) at a friend’s recent birthday party. Tall, dark and handsome … and from Africa. Although quiet (which may not be so compatible with my personality), he was bold enough to ask me to dance and was attached to my hip the entire night. But, I’m not complaining – us ladies like to have the attention every now and again. And, he was a gentleman; very friendly. Plus he is FWINE, ladies! And, he’s got the carefully chiseled muscles to prove it. Brownie points! Ding, ding, ding!

We’ve hung out a few times since we were first introduced, and I’m getting to know him each time we meet and talk on the phone. He’s a little younger than me (three years younger, to be exact); this combined with the fact that he’s from another country makes me also think of the movie How Stella Got Her Groove Back.

A scene from the movie, How Stella Got Her Groove Back

Too bad for Terry McMillan, the movie gave a glimpse into her “Crazy Love Escapade-Turned-Finding Out Your Man is on the Down Low” story. Let’s hope I have a better outcome.

I’m interested in seeing how my story with “Akeem” unfolds. Maybe, I’ll be his “Queeeeen toooo beeeee” or maybe he will join me (and my Pandora box) on those blah days in my living room and stare into space with me. Either way, I think I’ll keep him around for a little bit – even if it’s just to just stare and gaze … and/or touch