Being single is hard to do, but someone’s gotta do it!

After I lay in my bed after a long day of work yesterday, surrounded by clothes on my bed  – laundry that I had not put away and clothes that I just threw on the bed at the end of each day – I thought to myself: I’m becoming a slob.

I’m realizing that being single, without the responsibility of catering to a husband or making sure kids are taken care of, can really make you lazy. I laid in my bed, fully clothed, with all of these clothes surrounding me, talking to my girlfriend on the phone about how my house is a mess and that it’s soooo nice to not have to attend to it right away.

For those who know me, I’m far from being a slob. I actually just had a really crazy week, between work, freelance writing assignments, and my personal social life, that I have not been able to put much time or energy into getting my apartment in order. Should I relish in this? Enjoy the fact that I don’t have to get up right away and fix things, and that I can do it at my leisure? Or, should I see this as the start of a bad habit?

For now, I think I’ll just find pleasure in knowing that I’m only responsible for myself. What a lovely feeling (smiley face).

I did it! (Applause)

So, I’ve been taking salsa lessons for the past few weeks, and all the while I’ve been taking a friend with me, just because two of my girl friends seemed interested and wanted to tag along.

I’ve missed a couple of classes when a friend didn’t want to go, but I blame the horrible icy and snowy weather in the Northeast for that. However, yesterday, when my friend sent me a text late in the day and said she couldn’t make salsa class last night, I was faced with the question – should I go alone?

Now, some of you may remember a couple of my past posts similar to this topic: “Is it OK to go … Alone?” (which discussed whether women should go out to places by themselves) and “Going out on a limb with salsa night!” (where I pumped myself up to go to my first salsa class alone, but didn’t because later on a friend wanted to tag along for the fun).

I thought about these two posts on the drive home from work last night and decided that nothing should hold me back from doing something I want to do. Now, the reason why I even questioned going alone was because I thought it would make me look and feel awkward – me standing in the corner of the dance floor looking into space and hoping (praying) someone would ask me to dance. But, it was the total opposite.

Here is how the class is set up: There is an hour-long class, starting at 7 p.m. And, then after the class, a DJ sets up to play Latin music until about 1 a.m. and everyone intermixes and dances together while sipping on $5 mojitos. Fun, right?

Well, fun is exactly what I had! I showed up at class and danced with different partners, as I usually did before. It was not awkward that I was there alone. Then, when the DJ started pumping the music, several men asked me to dance. Perhaps, they saw that I was alone and that made them ask me to dance even more, but I had a great time. In fact, there was this one guy who asked me to dance and he really took the time to teach me some moves. He wasn’t an instructor, but is pretty much an expert, and he showed me what I was doing wrong and what I was doing right. By the end of our few dances together, I was able to feel the motion so much better against the waves of Latin music.  It was almost like a scene from Dirty Dancing…no joke, y’all!

Even when I wasn’t dancing with someone, I was able to really take a look at the expert dancers in the room and simply enjoyed watching them as they motioned their feet to the music and twirled around the wooden floors. It’s really amazing when you sit there and watch. Salsa is such a beautiful way to dance.

Anyway, this all taught me a very important lesson: I need to go places alone more often! I need to go to the movies, go to Barnes N’ Nobles and get a coffee and read a book, take trips alone, maybe even go to Happy Hour after work one day alone – I need to just do it! Sometimes taking people with you can hold you back from really enjoying yourself – I learned that last night. I think in this journey I’ll learn so much about myself. I hope you all try it out, too – you might learn something about yourself you never knew!

Going out on a limb…with salsa night!

Have you ever wanted to do something (an activity, trip, dinner at a restaurant, movie, etc.), but was scared or felt like you’d look silly going alone?

I know it can be awkward…trying to spark a conversation with the bartender, scanning the room and people-watching, fidgeting trying not to look lame…watching a football game on the TV screens even though you’re  uninterested in sports but hoping someone will sense you are alone and spark up a convo to take you out of your misery!

Well, ladies, your girl is about to venture on a new experience – whether friends come or not! It’s about time I did things that I enjoy and not worry about whether I have to tag along a friend to come with me.

Tonight is salsa night, ladies! A restaurant/lounge venue in my neighborhood is holding one-on-one salsa dance lessons – and I’m game! I mean, of course, I’ve done a little hip movements for the  Latina nights at the lounges I frequent, but here’s an opportunity for me to do something different and new … get a professional lesson.

Not only is it a great opportunity to actually learn something new, but it’s a chance to meet new people. I’m excited and expecting to dance the night away.

Have you ever taken a chance and done something all by yourself? Share your stories! I’ll be sure to let you know how my lessons go. Hopefully, I’ll get a hot dance instructor…

…and who knows, maybe I’ll try out for Dancing with the Stars! (OK, maybe that’s taking it a little too far.lol)

Alone Time – Priceless!

Have you ever sat on your couch, at your kitchen table or any room in your house in complete, utter, solitaire silence? I’m talking about all by yourself; no television, no music, nothing – just pure silence. If not, I suggest you try it sometime.

For the past few weeks, I’ve taken time out – mostly during the weekend – to just sit on my couch and do absolutely nothing….in silence. Or, take a stroll outside (minus the iPod) and just appreciate the simple sounds of God’s creation: nature and other sounds you wouldn’t think twice of (birds singing, leaves rustling across the pavement, the sound of my feet hitting the ground, hearing my breathing). It’s quite peaceful and boy does it change your mood.

It sounds funny as I type it and you might think that I’m silly but silence makes a world of a difference when you’re stressed out and just need to relax, or even as a daily regimen.

I know this is not a phenomenon. People do this all the time and they call it meditation. But, I’ve recently really, truly began to appreciate it. Silence really enables you to appreciate life, appreciate yourself, and appreciate those around you.

And, it’s funny, the things you begin to think about when there are no distractions. Your mind is more reflective. Answers to questions you’ve been struggling to figure out amazingly become crystal clear. And, you just appreciate YOU more. For me it has inspired me to finish things that I’ve started, such as returning to my hobbies of photography and painting, completing the book that I’ve been taking forever to write, and really figuring out what I want to do with my  career and what I want out of life.

This is one of the reasons I love being single.

This week or weekend, I dare you to take the time to treat yourself to silence. And, share with us how it’s made you feel. I look forward to hearing about your experiences.

A Hot Mess!

As I sit here thinking about this new journey I’m taking with my friend and the thought of having a relationship with him, I’m wondering if I’m thinking too much into it. Although hesitant about this entire situation at first, our potential for a promising relationship together, his sudden expression of feelings toward me, and the ever-consistent reminder of memories we’ve shared is making this entire process thrilling and to be honest, it is consuming my mind.

But, then I find that I worry about everything! I mean, if this is something that might work, I want to make it work – especially with him. The more we talk and I learn again about his morals and his overall personality and perception about life, I’m thinking, this guy is really a catch. So, I suddenly feel like I should be perfect …

Perfect with my conversation with him, perfect in my attitude, perfect with my thoughts about him. I mean, it sounds kind of silly, but it feels like I’m on a job interview – and, it’s exhausting! I guess my real issue is that I don’t want to repeat my mistakes from past relationships and really make this one work. a) I’m starting to think about him more often and I find myself wanting to talk to him all of the time, but I don’t want to turn out to be a stalker. b) Internally, I’m ready to schedule a time to go see him, but I don’t want to be too forward since we’re trying to take it slow. And, quite frankly, shouldn’t I let him chase me? c) The anticipation of what this could be is killing me! My mind is telling me to hurry this thing up: let’s be “boyfriend/girlfriend,” let’s move in together, let’s get married. Let me have your babies …. please…pretty, please?

*Sigh. What’s wrong with me? I get these sudden spurts of excitement, and then when I’m calm and thinking clearly, I remind myself that I’m supposed to be taking this thing slow and not rushing into anything. I’m a hot mess. Help! Someone call the Fire Department and have them hose me down before I explode!

…. Those are my thoughts for today. You can all go back to your regular programming, now.

Nice and Slow

Following up on my last blog entry, I thought I’d give you all a little update on how things are going with my “friend” and I. First, thank you to those who left comments on my prior post. They were beautifully written and you both made very valid points.

After much thought, I decided to give it a chance. We are going to “see what develops.” But, yes, we will be going niiiiiiice and slooooooow.

Currently, we are simply talking on the phone more (pretty much everyday or every other day) to get more familiar with each other. Sure there is flirting thrown in there, but I want to make sure we don’t ruin the friendship we already have built.

I have yet to have a more serious conversation with him about how exactly we’re going to take this, but I plan on letting him know that we both have to come from the same frame of mind, such as:

• If we see things going sour in the relationship, let’s stop it before it gets worse, so we don’t hate each other to the point where we don’t want to talk to each other ever again. Maintaining our friendship is No. 1.
• Let’s not make this a “hook up” just for our curiosity. If we are really going to see what develops, let’s take it serious. Let’s see if we are relationship material.
• We should be open-minded. I’m sure we’ve both changed a lot over the years that we’ve known each other. So, as we become more familiar with our lives, let’s keep our minds open and communicate and be honest with one another.

Have I missed anything? In the meantime, tell me; have you ever wanted to date your friend?

What’s Wrong With Being S-I-N-G-L-E?

I came across this CNN article and found it very interesting. There are some stats here that popped out:

• 96 million people in the United States have no spouse
• 61 percent of the 96 million have never said “I do”
• Some 46 percent of all households nationwide are maintained by a single person. This equals 52 million singles.

Read more here: http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/08/19/single.in.america/index.html?hpt=C1. What does this say about our society. Do you think these numbers will increase? Is there anything wrong with being single? Please share your thoughts.

Is it OK to go … alone?

…Bouncing in the club where the heat is on,
All night on the beach ’till the break of dawn,
I’m going to Miami,

Welcome to Miami, bienvenido a Miami…

For all of you who didn’t catch it, that was a shout out to Will Smith’s 1997 song, Miami. It’s a bit of a throwback, but it’s goodie, in my opinion. I’ll be heading to the sunny vacay spot this Friday. And, I’m super excited to have a few days away. Yesssss!

Now, now, now everyone… I know what you all are thinking. “Miami, huh? She’s going to party it up with her girls and spend long days at the beach and longer nights at the clubs.” Right? Well, no. Calm down, everyone. Let’s keep this G-rated, please. Because I’m going with my dad, stepmother and my siblings: ages 16 and younger.

As I discussed this trip with a friend of mine yesterday and we started talking about the stereotype of Miami when it comes to us young folks (wink), I started to think about the issue of whether or not it’s “OK” for me to take time out during this vacation and go to places alone as a way for me to “meet people.”

“You’re single! Get out there and meet new people,” my married friend says. “At the airport, sit at a bar and rev up a convo with the bartender! And, when you’re in Miami, what the heck, go to the restaurant and/or the bar and spark up a conversation with people you don’t know!” She continued to beat in my eardrums. I’m thinking: Whoa! Slow your roll!

Internally, I’m thinking, are you crazy? One, I’m a woman … out there alone. Hello?! There are crazy people out there. And, two, umm, that’s kind of weird that I randomly spark up a conversation with people I don’t know. Won’t they think that I’m desperate, that I don’t have a life, or think that I’m one of those special “touched” people?

First off, I certainly have a life, if I say so myself. And, I don’t think I’m “touched” – at least my mommy doesn’t think so (smiley face). In fact, I think it is pretty brave for people to go places alone. I commend them. They must have so much confidence that they simply have no care in the world of what people think. They will go where they want to go and do what they want to do, regardless.

I’m not judging at all. I’m not afraid to admit that I need help in that department.

While I’m confident in myself, I’ve only taken it as far as having breakfast or lunch at a diner or Starbucks alone – and only if I have a book. But, I haven’t gotten to the point where I am comfortable going to dinner, entertainment venues, the movies or other places by myself – or even travel on vacation alone.

What’s your take on this?

… And, while you’re thinking, sing along with me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMPArYnklYo.