I know, it has been a long time since I last posted – mostly because I became tired of all the losers that I had encountered during dating. Although, it provided great content for my blogs and funny stories for my girlfriends. To me, the continuous failure of my dates was quite depressing.

But, wait. This is NOT a comeback where I will be yelling from the mountain tops “I am Woman, Hear Me Roar!” I’m not going to act like it doesn’t bother me and that I don’t need want a man in my life. It’s actually the complete opposite. Truth is, I’m sad. I cry sometimes. I feel vulnerable. And, times like this really make me feel like, “What’s wrong with me?!”

You see, I still seem to meet losers ALL OF THE TIME. At first, I think that the guy is perfect, and then something happens. And, he turns into a loser, psycho, or just plain weird. It makes me take a look at myself and figure out if it is me. Am I doing something wrong? I’m pretty confident that I’m kind-hearted, I’m cute in my own way, and I really try to see the good in people. I have good morals, I treat people with respect, etc.

I keep telling myself that God has his own plans and God works on his time not mine. But, I really would love to meet the person I will be with sometime soon. I mean, at least get things rolling so I can have kids in the near future. One of my goals in life is to have a family of my own.

Maybe, my life plan is to be single, to not have kids and not have a family. Maybe, all this hype I’m giving myself won’t be worth it in the end. I hear so many stories of married women, who get divorced, and say marriage isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. But, I want to try it out for myself.

I must admit, I go through my ups and downs (That’s why it seems like I’m rambling right now). Sometimes I think I’ll be fine being single for the rest of my life. Other times, I just simply want what I want – a fairytale wedding, a huge rock for an engagement ring, and a happily-ever-after life a supportive spouse who I can call my best friend and a beautiful family. After all, I am getting up there in age – 31. I don’t want to be old raising my kids.

I guess I shouldn’t rush it, but geesh! Must I go through more losers to find Mister Right? I think I’ve gone through a dozen already. Something’s gotta give. Excuse me while I go cry me a river.

Ladies, chime in. I know I’m not the only one going through this.

One thing is for sure:

Of course, he stands there “acting” like he was working, but I knew all along that he was still checking me out, instead of checking out the lounge’s dancers, drinkers, and party goers, as he should. After all, he is the bouncer. That’s cool, though; I can dig it.

After giving him a few additional episodes of subtle eye contact and flirty smiles, I shimmied my way back over to him and we made some more small talk. He says some charming phrases; I make girlish giggles. Then, he wants to show off his new iPhone 4S; he wants to take photos of us with it. That’s cool. We posed for the camera and he takes some photos. He’s going to send them to me later that night, he says.

It’s getting late now. I’m having so much fun that I don’t realize that it’s 4 a.m.

The club scene gets less crowded and velvet rope barriers are put up in our area so no more people can come in. I guess that’s our sign that it’s time to go. I go grab my jacket from the coat check and I wave good bye to my new friend. He comes over for a hug and says he’ll send me the photos of us later. I think I like this guy.

Content with the night’s festivities, I sit in the passenger seat of my friend’s ride to head home. Soon after, I get the images on my phone. I’m all smiles.

Now, fast-forward to Saturday night. I’m in Maryland visiting a friend, and I get a text. Its A.J. Remember him; the pushy guy from the lounge Friday night? UGH … I wasn’t sure how I wanted to address this dude, or even if I wanted to address him at all. Here goes the text exchange:

A.J.:     Hey, I had so much fun Friday night! I hope you did, too. I’m going to send a picture of myself to you.

(Umm, OK. A little weird that he’d want to send me a photograph of himself. Did he think that I might have forgotten what he looked like? I decide not to answer.)

He sends another text about 30 minutes later with his photograph. I wonder if he goes outside to take the picture to send to me. It’s an image of him standing in a driveway. Interesting, I say to myself. He’s still pretty sweet on the eyes, but this is all strange to me. I go back and forth in my head to figure out if I even want to respond. And, then I decide – to be nice – to acknowledge that I received his text messages. I keep it simple.

Me:     Thanks for the pic J

            (He responds right away.)

A.J.:     OK

Send me a picture of you.

(WHAT? No. This is getting a little strange. I decide not to answer and go to bed.)

It’s Sunday now. I had a full day, driving back home from Maryland – a long, grueling 5 ½ hours in traffic. Still, I’m content that I get home with time left to still relax and get myself together before having to go to bed and get up early to go to work the next day. My apartment is clean, I warm up some homemade vegetable minestrone soup and I sit on my living room couch to catch up on my shows. Bravo is my first channel choice: The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

My phone rings. It’s Malik.

I’m happy he called, and, initially, the conversation goes well, but then it turns sour. I tell him what city I live in and he goes, “Oh, all the women out there are snobby.” Isn’t that an insult? Sounds like it to me. I let it pass though and say that not all of “us” are snobby. But, he continues to argue and say that’s what the women are like out in my town. OK; I change the subject. But, throughout the entire conversation, if I say something, he argues and says “no, it’s this way” or “no, it’s that way”. I literally am not able to get one word out before he cuts in and talks over me to prove his point. How annoying!

Then, out of no where, Malik starts asking questions rapidly. Where’s your family from? How old you are? When was the last time you were in a relationship? Why did you break up? Geesh! Once I’m able to catch up, I start to answer his last question. As I start, “Well, it is a little complicated to explain,”…. He, interrupts, again, and says … “Get to the point.”

Immediately, I call him out and tell him how rude he is being. I explain that he has to let other people speak and that he’s not always right and needs to stop being so forceful. It was getting on my nerves and this is not how I envisioned spending my evening. At the end of my rant, I say, “Now, would you like to continue this conversation, or end it.” He decides to end it. I hung up and that was that!

I try to get back to my Zen meditation watching the housewives.

But, I’m convinced that some higher power doesn’t want me to rest, when I get a text message from A.J. … except, it’s not A.J., it’s his cousin (I think), who was also at the lounge Friday night. *Sigh* Here goes the text exchange:

A.J. (Actually his cousin):         Hey, what’s up, my boy said he’s going to be coming back to New York in two weeks.

Me:     OK, but who is this? Why isn’t he telling me this himself. Is this your cell phone. Does he have his own cell phone? I’m confused. LOL

A.J. (His cousin):          It’s his cousin. He said he’s going to call you later tonight.

Me:     It was really nice meeting you guys on Friday night, but I really am not interesting in dating anyone right now. I’m really busy with life and my career. (I’m lying through my teeth, but I know that these shenanigans are not going to work for me).

I don’t get a respond, so I make a heavy sigh of relief, thinking that he’d leave me alone.

But, I thought wrong.

A.J., or his cousin, proceeded to call me an hour later. I didn’t answer. He leaves me a message saying that he wanted to talk to me and that he’d call back in five minutes. (Huh?) I ignore.

THEN, he calls me four times within 30 minutes. Is this dude crazy?! In between the missed calls, he sends me text messages saying that he’s been calling me and wants to talk to me. An hour later, he calls again, and, of course, I don’t answer. He doesn’t call again, so I’m praying he gets the hint. Right away, I add him to my “blocked calls” list.

What is wrong with people? I swear I meet all the crazies!

I turn my iPod on and tune in to Jay-Z and Alicia Key’s Empire State of Mind beats to calm my nerves before I go to bed. New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of…

We continued to spark conversation, he explained how he was really into me, which I thought was nice, but it seemed as thought he was a bit too pushy. You see, he told me he lived in Boston. I told him that might be a little difficult if he was interested in dating me. I wasn’t sure if it was pursuing a long-distance situation with someone I didn’t even know was worth it at this point in my life, besides I wasn’t thinking about that. Tonight, I just wanted to hang out with my friends and have fun! Well, because I wasn’t giving him any solid feedback regarding whether I’d like to see him again, he totally changed his mood. His facial expression changed and he seemed a bit angry. He asked that if he came back to New York if I’d be interested in meeting up with him, and sadly (for him, I guess), I couldn’t give him a straight answer. “I don’t know,” I said.

Side note: I mean, c’mon, why do I have to give a straight answer and why is he being all serious? I came out to have fun, not to be given ultimatums. I told him about himself and then proceeded to tell his friends that he needed to cool out. Annoyed by the conversation, I moved away from him and his friends and went back over to my girls to party the night away.

Meanwhile, I noticed from my peripheral vision that Malik was checking me out again. My friend was talking to him, so I decided to join in on the conversation. She was, apparently, talking to him about me and why I’m an awesome chick. Once I walked over, she left us alone. We made small talk for a little while before I was armed away by my friends. As, I made my way back to my party group, I noticed A.J. standing in the area motioning for me to come to him. I oblige and he proceeds to tell me he’s leaving. Keeping my friendly composure, yet thinking in my head “I hope he doesn’t call me, even if he’s hot, because he’s got issues,” I give him a hug and said it was nice meeting him and his friends.

Minutes later, Malik tells me he noticed that I’m interested in short boys (referring to A.J.). Oh please, do I sense jealousy?

To be continued …See “Empire State of Mind Part III”.

After all, it was one of my closest friend’s birthday party; I just HAD to be there and party it up with in celebration. So, I went. And, boy oh BOY, what an interesting night it was.

First of all, it was at NYC’s Empire Hotel rooftop lounge. I had never been to the spot, but it sounded interesting. I slowly crawled out of my deep slumber (also known as my party nap) and walked with my eyes closed to the shower. After that, it was “on and poppin’!” I pulled out my fire red silky, spaghetti strap top, my skinny jeans and some fly pumps, grabbed my suede cropped jacket and I was headed out the door to catch the next train to the city.

I meet a friend of mine at the spot and we get into a little squabble with the bouncers at the door to get in, but finally, we head to the elevator and press the button for the top floor. As soon as the elevator doors open, it was, dim and lively. Three sections of the rooftop lounge were consumed with people of various elasticities, ages and backgrounds. We went right in, got our drinks and scoped the place out.

Now, to the good part!

First, I encountered onlooker No. 1. He’s tall, let’s say around 6′ 3″, has long dreads and doesn’t really get my attention until he offers to take photographs of me and my girls! After handing the camera back to my friend, he introduces himself. “Hi, my name is Malik. How are you doing tonight?” We spark up a conversation and he seems cool. He’s actually one of the bouncers at the place and seems really genuine and very charming, great personality and a lot of confidence, which is nice. We exchange digits.

Now, of course I couldn’t just spend the night talking to him. So, I go back and dance with the birthday girl. Then, onlooker No. 2 approaches me. He’s Haitian and Jamaican, he says, and he saw me and “he knew what he wanted.” Ummm, excuse me, that’s nice and all, but my radar thought “ALERT, ALERT, controller, stalker, pyscho!!!” or he was probably just trying to get some that night, which I was NOT having.

Onlooker No. 2, A.J., was pretty pleasant on the eyes, muscular and bought my friend and I a drink, so I continued to talk to him and dance. He seemed fine … that is until I found out that he was 32 years old, divorced, with a 6-year old daughter, a full-time student with no job. Sorry, that’s not going to work for me. But, sweet ole me, I obliged to give him my number anyway because he was cute. Perhaps, that was a mistake?

I’ll fill you in later on the details that followed throughout the weekend.

Read on to Part II …

Truth of the matter is, it was taking too much work … and, quite honestly, I was getting bored reading through all of the profiles of strangers that I had to figure out were honest, if I’d want to contact them, and if I’d consider dating them. And, for the time period I was on there, there didn’t seem to be any interesting people, just a bunch of stalkers, wierdos, losers, or people who just wanted someone to get down and dirty with (no thanks!).

This taught me a very good lesson – I’m pushing it too hard.

I mean, the initial start to my online dating adventure was simply to have content for my blog page because there were no particularly good dates I had been on. But, more and more as I sifted through profiles every night, or every other night, and contacted guys and waited for them to respond was simply tiring.

I’m not saying that I won’t ever do it again, but for now, it’s not that serious. I think I’ll go back into my cave, enjoy single life, and let the higher powers choose the “one” for me. I will wait until someone comes knocking on the door of my heart, instead of me forcing my way through to find someone that I think could do the job. They say it happens when you least expecting it, right?

Well, I think I will fall back for a bit. See ya when I have some juicy stories to tell. In the meantime, share some of your juicy stories with me!

I’ve learned that this whole online dating thing takes some time. There are times when there is a lot of excitement and there are times when it’s simply boring; kind of like a roller coaster.

Read my last post and fast-forward three weeks.

I actually “manned up” and called the guy I was referring to in my last post myself since he was slow with his feet to pick up the phone. Prior to the call, we exchanged a text-message conversation where I pretty much made fun of him for not calling me and keeping our conversations to text messages, which I thought was getting kind of old. He told me he was available at that time to talk, so I said to myself  “What the heck?!” I might as well just call him; what’s the big deal?

Are men scared? Or, are we just living in a new generation where men don’t feel like they need to make the first move. I’m all about chivalry and men taking charge and making the first step, but seems like times have changed.

I actually was the person to send him a message first on the site, too.  Smh!

Well, I’m glad I decided to call him because we had an EXCELLENT conversation that lasted one hour long. He’s not your typical guy. He doesn’t party every weekend, seems to keep life simple and has his career in focus – a career background in media communications from which we both share. He is a pretty intellectual man and had some interesting things to talk about, while keeping me laughing through the entire phone call. We talked about our relationships with our families, the kind of music we like listening to, the places that we’ve traveled to and places we’d like to go to in our lifetime, we talked about the type of books we like to read. And, after ending the call, that seemed to go so fast, I had a smile on my face.  It was pretty refreshing.

But, because he is so busy with work, and although he finds me “very interesting and quite attractive” (per him), he has no time for “anything serious”. In my mind, I’m like OKaaaaay, so why are you on an online dating site? He says that when he first signed on he wasn’t as busy. (Hmmmm) Now, I’m not sure if he’s trying to give me the run around or what, but sounds a bit suspicious to me. Still, we are going to try to meet up in the near future. Just like Musiq Soulchild says, he can be my B-U-D-D-Y, right? We’ll see what happens.

Now, there’s also another potential dater from the site who I have exchanged quite a few text-message conversations. He’s not the typical person I would date physically, as he’s a bit on the heavier side, but I’m trying to open my horizons. Looks aren’t everything. -Don’t get me wrong; he’s not ugly, just hefty, kind of like a care bear -He seems like he’s from the streets, drinks pretty often (loses brownie points for that), but has a very friendly persona about him. And, he keeps it real. We have yet to talk on the phone (again, another guy who can’t seem to dial a number) but has pretty much texted me every single day to say hello and ask me how my day is going. I think that’s sweet.

Anyway, that’s the update for now. No other potentials, but I’ll keep you all updated as I get new information – or new men! Let me know your thoughts on these two dudes.

After that one incident I had last week, that I’m trying to remove from my memory, I was sure I’d encounter more crazies, and at least that would be some type of excitement. But, once again, like the week before … it’s quiet.

At the start of last week, I was able to spark conversations with a couple of local interesting men. And, they showed lots of interest. In addition to the crazy fool I encountered, from which I blogged last week, I gave my number to another fine fellow who asked me for the digits. I happily obliged and thought that would be the start of continued interesting conversations and – more importantly – a focal point for my next blog entry.

He seemed very interested in me and we exchanged several text messages, but he still has not actually called me. And, it has actually been a week since he last texted me. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not sitting next to my phone waiting for him to contact me, I’m just in this online dating game and once you’re in, you’re in. Let’s play the damn game!

But, I think this is something that women, in general deal with: Men, who are slow moving.  Pick up your feet gentleman and let’s get it crackalackin’! What is the deal with men? When you’re interested in someone, don’t you do all that you can to keep their attention? Is he shy? Did he lose interest? Should I even care?

Thoughts welcomed.

So, I come across this guy, Lex. He’s pretty attractive, local, has a great career in engineering and is working on his Master’s degree. He seemed put together, mature, and just the person who I’d think would be a good match. So, I give him a 4 our of 5 star rating on OKcupid.com to hint that I was interested in sparking a conversation with him. Wrong move!

He messaged me right away, saying that he thought we had a lot in common, which it seemed as though we did. He immediately asked for my phone number, but I was hesitant so I let him wait. We went back and forth sending each other more messages for a few days, getting to know each other a little better. He mentioned how there is this cafe near him that would be a good spot for us to meet up, and I was actually considering it. He seemed like a really cool guy. He asked me for my number again, and I obliged. Again, wrong move!

Later that evening he texted me. Here’s how the text convo went:

Lex: What’s up, Hope – it’s Lex!

Me: Hi there, Lex. How are you?

Lex: Very good. Coming home from school.

Me:  How did your presentation go?

Lex: Excellent.

Me: Glad to hear it.

Lex: Call me in 5 so we can talk.

Me. Very demanding. You can call me if you like, Lex.

Lex:  Nothing wrong if you do.

Me: But, you see, I don’t take orders well.

Lex: Sorry to hear that. I don’t know how things could work I know I can’t follow orders.

Me: I don’t give orders. I simply ask for what I’d like.

Lex: That’s cool. I’m just saying there has to be some order if there is to be anything. It’s my position, Hope. I’m a leader. If not, then it can’t be.

Me: OK. Then, it won’t be Nice meeting you. Have a nice evening.

Lex: See ya

Can you spell p.s.y.c.h.o.? I was so shocked by the way he was talking, I laughed myself to sleep. Are there really people out there that think so highly of themselves that they think they can push people around? Well, he was messing with the wrong one!

Two days later he proceeded to call me, and left me a message saying that he knows things got started off wrong, but that “none of the less, he had decided to call me.” Ummm, you’re not doing me any favors, buddy. I texted him right away and said, “I’m not interested in continuing conversations with you. Please delete my number. Thanks!”

Ladies, take note. Don’t give out your number so easily. I have learned my lesson and blocked his number. On to the next one. I have a few other men I’m talking to; I hope they aren’t pyschos, too!

I thought I was at a good start with “John” (Remember? The hazel-eyed, dimple fella), but we fell off in conversation. We were messaging everyday the week before, but then it trailed off after my last response and I sent him a little reminder to get the conversation going again. During the process, however, I did get some more information about him, like his real name and the fact that his family is from Grenada. He’s actually going there this week to visit family and to go to Carnival – lucky him!

But, other than that, there have been no others from which I’ve been interested in sparking a conversation, and the ones that reach out to me are a little too scrubby for my taste or they are simply not my type. I’m sorry, people who choose their names to be “JacobDivine” or “LongDaddy” do not sound appealing to me. Others don’t know how to hold a conversation and simply send me one or two word emails – booooring! Don’t mean to sound mean – just being honest.

Am I being too picky? I don’t think so, I need a little excitement to add to my life, not cornballs. Anyway, we’ll see where this week takes me. Stay tuned …

Perusing through tons of handsome – and *clears throat* not-so-handsome – gentleman is super entertaining. It’s only Week One and I’m already hooked like an Angry Birds game player. It’s like a project to me; almost like I’m doing a report – weeding through a field finding the most beautiful flowers and throwing the weeds to the wayside.

You see, for those who don’t follow my blog, a couple of weeks ago I was deciding whether or not I wanted to join an online dating site when my friend – who recently became single – asked if I’d like to do it with her (so that we can share our experiences, of course).  Even though I’m not really into dating right now, I thought, “Hey, why not?!” And, by the way, it’s a great new blog topic!

So, I signed up on a website last week called OKCupid.com. She did, too.

After signing up, I filled out my profile information accordingly (Self summary, what I like to do in my spare time, yada yada yada), answered some random questions about how I would handle certain situations, posted some photographs and I was all set up on the site as “girl looking for guys interested in girls ages 29 to 35.” The website hooks you up with fancy reports and statistics about your match; pretty impressive, I’d say, for a free site. But, what I found most interesting is the range of men on this site, from the most handsome and established to the ones that simply look like perverts. I’m sorry, but it’s TRUE!

Since I have no problem reaching out and introducing myself, I sent messages to a few guys who I thought were cute and who had profiles that included words that they actually spelled correctly. Some responded, others didn’t. And, I received a handful of messages from men who were interested in getting to know me.

One person, however, who responded and stands out the most is, let’s call him “John” (I couldn’t think of anything clever.lol). He’s local, cute with dimples and hazel eyes, and seems like a down-to-earth guy. He also has a GREAT sense of humor, which I love *ding ding ding!*. We exchanged “messages” every day last week and the conversation is still going. There is still a lot that I need to get to know about him, but it’s a start.

But, now my question is: What is the proper etiquette for online dating? How much time do you allow before meeting in person, exchanging phone number, becoming Facebook friends, etc.?

I’ll guess I’ll roll with the punches and just see how it goes. To be continued…